Abayomi G. Omotayo
Disclaimer: all characters appearing
in this story are fictitious and a figment of the author’s imagination. Any
resemblance to real persons, real or dead is purely coincidental
In the Mostly Banana Republic of
Naija, there is never a dull moment. One day, one drama, at least. The more you
look, the less you see. Welcome to the land of the people of the Niger, where
greater emphasis is often placed on the shadow while the substance is pushed to
the shadows. After all, religious things derive their mystery and depth from
their intangibility and Naijas are very religious and their leaders are deep. But
whether in insight and foresight or cluelessness and ignorance I cannot tell.
As usual, Aunty will not go over
again the details of the story but will draw out lessons while also doing a
recap. For the full story, please refer to Naija dailies and Naija twitter for
latest updates. Today’s episode centers on two men Ali and Magu and the
people’s assembly headed by Bukky. Before we go on, credit must be given to Bola
who opened the people’s eyes and lessened their burdens of wasting so much
vocal energy and mouth muscles by shortening Bukola to Bukky. This same
ingenuity helped him lay a still enduring foundation to shore up Lasgidi’s community
piggy bank while he was in charge of that colony. His trademark roundly framed
spectacle lends credence to the bespectacled means brilliant stereotype. Never
mind that in Naija Universities, there abound aplenty bespectacled Professors
and Doctors with Nursery children mental capacity and academic soundness. Not
to digress, that is a story for another day.
Okay children, (sorry, readers),
let’s move on. Ali is the chief gatekeeper while Magu is the hunter of looters
in the republic. Bukky and his gang are powerful because they make the laws of
the republic even though they have become laws to themselves by not being
transparent about the finances of the people’s assembly. OpenNASS is equal to Open
‘Yansh’ for Bukky and his gang. They are not foolish, they wouldn’t want to dig
their own grave. Although the head of the republic determines who holds what
position, in some instances the final decision rests witih Bukky and co. While
Ali sits with his two buttocks over his official duties, Magu is sitting on
just one buttock. President Bubu, the head of the republic who is famous for
belonging to no one and belonging to everybody sent his name to Bukky and the
gang to ratify his appointment but twice in a row and perhaps unprecedented, he
was rejected.
Ali on the other hand was invited by
Bukky and co over a policy that seems to be borne out of an analogue brain
instead of digital brain (apologies to Mama Peace, the wife of our hero of
corruption and of course democracy too!). He was also instructed to come in his
official gate keeper uniform to the assembly; instead he appeared in white
apparel with a complementing white moustache as if he is an angel. This was
offensive to Bukky and the gang, in their annoyance, they sent him back to
reappear at another date with a warning that he must come in his official
gatekeeper uniform this time. Interesting isn’t it? Now let’s move to the
lessons.
LESSON ONE:
given the power to make the decision, a gang of rats will never allow a cat to
be a hunter at all not to talk of being a chief hunter. They want a fellow rat.
They are testing Bubu’s resolve. This sums up the drama between Magu and Bukky
& co.
LESSON TWO:
the leadership of the republic is either clueless or potentially effective but actually
confused and overwhelmed by the degree of brokenness of the system of the
republic. If clueless, then cluelessness is no longer an exclusive preserve of
Jona era but has assumed a trans-administration dimension. From Jona to Bubu.
If confused, Bubu should take another break, not to London this time but the
Bahamas. He needs peaceful scenery to engender a clear head to make fool proof
decisions. The socio-political climate is perhaps too chaotic for him. How can
the head of the republic send a nomination to the people’s assembly and they
reject him twice? Were there no background checks before the nomination and
shouldn’t the report have been made available to Bubu before forwarding Magu’s
name. How can the secret police of the republic sabotage him incessantly? Are
they no longer under his control?
LESSON THREE:
if you want to catch a monkey, behave like one. Ali went to the assembly in the
in an all-white apparel. What is he trying to portray? Light in the midst of
darkness? No subtlety on his part. He should have adorned himself in black,
Bukky and his gang would have felt more comfortable. Decode that.
LESSON FOUR:
the republic can never grow with outdated ideas. In this age and time, Ali and
his team should have borrowed a digital brain for 21st century
compliant policy formulation. There is something called online payment and web
portal. He would have avoided this brouhaha in the first instance.
LESSON FIVE: give
honour to whom honour is due and never attempt to share in a privilege
purportedly not reserved for you. Bukky and the gang are masters of wearing
starch satisfied, well ironed kaftans and babarigas or agbadas, Ali just came
from nowhere and started competing with them. What insolence! If he comes out
of this ordeal unscathed, discretion should dictate to him to start wearing his
gate keeper’s uniform or copy Adams of Edo style of dressing. At least it bears
some semblance to the gate keeper’s uniform.
follow @AbayomiGOmotayo on twitter
follow @AbayomiGOmotayo on twitter
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